My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
