I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
