I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
