Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
