I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
