the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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