just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
