Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
