I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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