How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
