haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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