i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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