So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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