I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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