i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
