D3 body, D1 cock
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
