The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
