i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Congratulations! We have a period
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