i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
