Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
