Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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