i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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