Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
