she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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