I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's shark week go big or go home
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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