i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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