hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Verdict: uncircumcised.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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