Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
