People with herpes should wear stickers.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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