i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
