Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
