I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
