If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
