I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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