When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
