remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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