You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
