i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
