when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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