Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
