my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
