All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
