Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
