I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
