It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
