fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
