fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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