If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
