I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
