My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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