I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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