i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
