im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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